As the new school year looms closer, I am thinking about lessons. Given the nature of what I teach, I don’t actually sit and write daily lesson plans, but I always know what I want my students to learn. The following lists the lessons I hope my students, my children, and all others that I love take away from their experiences with me, and I do so hope that they learn them earlier and easier than I have. I’m still working on a few of them, myself.
- Don’t settle for “good enough”. Aim high and keep striving to achieve it. You might not always get everything you want, but don’t lower the bar. Never say “I have everything I have ever wanted”. There’s always more. I don’t mean “stuff” or money. I mean love, wisdom, respect, knowledge, friends, joy, hobbies, etc. Want everything and don’t stop trying to get it.
- Cut your losses. Sometimes things aren’t going to work out. Know when to stop beating a dead horse and try something new. Don’t get mired in a situation just because you have time and energy invested in it; move on and use that energy more wisely next time.
- Take responsibility for your own actions. Toot your own horn when you’ve done something well, but also bite the bullet when you screw up and admit it. It’s okay; “to err is human”, to face up to it is tough, but ultimately that’s what is going to earn you respect. It also helps to keep you humble. But seriously don’t forget to take credit for your successes, too!
- Remember that you can’t control or fix everything. (corollary to the above). Some things are not within your power, and you can’t kick yourself if someone else fails. Work on improving the systems over which you do have control, and let the other stuff go. Play the “My Shit or Your Shit” game. If it’s yours, take care of it, if it’s someone else’s, let them.
- The three dirtiest words in the English language are “Woulda”, “Shoulda”, and “Coulda”. Yeah, maybe you “shoulda” done (or not done) something that would have made your current situation better. But you didn’t, so now, here you are. Do what you can with what you’ve got now. Time travel is not feasible, so you can’t go back and change it. Move on. Don’t lay awake nights and regret or wish you could change what has already happened. Next step.
- Appreciate the little things. The smell of just mown grass. A silly inside joke with your best friend. Hugs. ”Aha” moments. Sunbeams. Meteor showers. Cheesecake. A view of the mountains. It’s so easy to get dragged down by all the negatives. Find those little things that make you smile and embrace them. Every day.
- Laugh. The world is ridiculous, face it. Revel in that. Studies have shown that people who laugh are healthier.
- Cry. Don’t let yourself become emotionally constipated. You don’t want to be a baby and cry ALL the time, but let yourself weep at the end of a good book, or while watching a beautiful sunset, or a cheesy movie. If you can let yourself cry, you make room for all the other emotions that you might otherwise not let yourself feel.
- Keep your promises. If you say you’re going to do something, do it, damn it! If you think you might not be able to follow through, don’t promise it. Say what you mean, mean what you say.
- Be authentic. This may require some self reflection. Know who you are, what is important to you, and always work within that frame. Don’t try to be what others expect of you. Do what is right for you, and be who you are. Adjust to different settings, but don’t become different people.
- Don’t be a jackass. Why do people go out of their way to irritate others? If you go about your business, it’s entirely possible that you will step on someone’s toes, or piss someone off. Just don’t make it a point to be annoying for the sake of being annoying. It’s really annoying.
- Ask for what you need. (I know, I know, I should certainly not cast any stones here.) People feel connected to others when they help. If you ask for assistance, not only do you get what you need, you give another something he/she needs too. Be specific, too. Few people can read minds, but most would be willing to help if they knew how.
- Tell others how you feel. “You really hurt my feelings.” “I’m feeling a little low today and need your support.” “It made my day when you told me how much you appreciate me.” “I love you.” I’m not going to give you that old “you never know when you’re going to die…” spiel, because I don’t think that way. Just say what you feel, because it makes life move along so much more smoothly when you face things head on. Your other option is to live life like a “Seinfeld” episode.
- Love. Let yourself feel all of those dangerous emotions: love, fear, anger, passion. They are intense, but invigorating. They don’t have to rule you, but you must let yourself feel them.
- Life isn’t fair. Don’t expect to get back what you put into something — you might, in fact, you may come out ahead, but then again, you might not. Maybe on a grand scale life is fair, and it’ll all even out eventually, but don’t believe that on a day to day, month to month, or even year to year basis that things that go around, come around. Do good things because their the right thing to do, not because you believe you’ll get something back. Karma doesn’t work that way. God doesn’t negotiate. Get used to it.
- Do what you love. Don’t work to live, live for your work. Find your passion and then find a job that fulfills it. Don’t settle for less. I’ve been lucky here.
If I teach my students and children nothing more than these, I will count myself a success.
