I have been challenged by a dear friend to pick up writing on this blog again… kind of a New Year’s resolution. As i read back over my previous posts, i’m kind of sad that i have not kept up on it. i’m stunned by how perceptive i can be… *chuckle*… and the act of writing is so therapeutic for me. 2010 was a strange year for me, with lots of changes and revelations. Perhaps it would have been an easier run for me had i been writing about it.
But, again, i must remember the importance of the journey and the obstacles we face as we make it… whether those obstacles be external, or placed there by ourselves. i’ve placed a lot of obstacles in my own path — probably as many as life has. i think, though, that the discussion of obstacles needs to wait for now. Today, i have other matters on my mind.
i have frequently advised others to “pay attention to omens”, as Paulo Coelho preached to me. Several things occurred today that make me think i would be remiss if i ignored them… First, i spoke with my dear friend and spiritual advisor for the first time in months (via IM, as she no longer resides in the States). It was wonderful to speak with her… she has always been such an open mind, willing to listen and accept, even if she did not fully approve or understand. i dropped some interesting revelations about myself on her that i had had over the past year or so, and true to her nature, she accepted them. More than that, i think she approved, if only because she knew the freedom i felt in accepting certain things about myself.
The second thing that happened is that i had not one, but two conversations online about my “nickname”… puzzlepieces. i originally picked up this screen name when i was doing a lot of self evaluation — trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together to make sense of who i am. In putting those pieces together, though, i have discovered some other meanings to the name.
i spent much of last year putting my own pieces together and building a pretty clear picture of who i am. The picture that emerged was a surprising and, initially, a disturbing one to me. Like Coelho’s shepherd, Santiago, i once again had to throw out all preconceived notions of who i am, what is “right”, and what is right for me. What i’ve discovered about me might not impress others, and may not even be approved of… but ultimately, i’m the one who needs to live my life, not others.
My discussions today about puzzle pieces, though, revolved more around how people connect… how relationships work. After being proudly, and necessarily, single for a long while, i now find myself in a very solid, though unorthodox relationship. Again, it’s not a relationship that, if they knew the details, others would necessarily approve of, but it works for me, and for Him. We fulfill each others’ needs… complement each others’ differences. We fit together like pieces of a puzzle, and it’s good.
I think that’s the key to a successful relationship — be it a romantic one, a sexual one, or a friendship — the fitting together. i don’t need someone in my life who is just like me, though i admit, i do have a friend who is very much like me — he acts as a sort of a mirror for me. What i do need though, is someone who fills in my gaps. i can see the world from my perspective just fine; i need others to show me different perspectives. i can stand alone quite well, but i only really feel “complete” when i have other, different, pieces that fit with me and complete the big picture.
i’ve been very lucky lately to find many of the pieces i was missing, and i realize that i have been their missing “piece”, too. My “spiritual advisor” who i always make think and who, in return, reminds me to live from my soul; my crazy Italian who teaches me to accept who i am and to cry, while i teach her to be strong; the man who is “me with a penis” who mirrors me — we can remind each other of our competence and beauty; my “soul-mate” who looks past whatever is going on in my life and sees my core; and, of course, my One, who fulfills the needs i never knew i had, and for Whom i fulfill needs long supressed.
i don’t thank any of you enough, so let me take this opportunity. Thank You all. You complete me.
